CONTENTS

PART I
"IT WAS THE BEST OF TIMES"

PROLOGUE
THE STATEMENT OF THE PROBLEM
THE EMPEROR INITIATES STEPS FOR A SOLUTION
THE PRIME MINISTER IS FRIGHTENED
THE STRATEGY FOR A SOLUTION
THE OTHER USES OF THE SOLUTION
STILL OTHER USES OF THE SOLUTION
THE COURTIERS SING A SONG
THE SEARCH FOR THE SOLVER
THE SOLVER ENTERS THE STAGE
THE STRATEGY OF THE SOLVER
THE METHODS OF THE SOLVER
THE NEW BED OF PROCRUSTES THE SOLVER
THE SOLVER IS EMPLOYED
THE EASY PART OF THE SOLUTION
THE STRATEGY FOR GEOMETRY
THE HARD PART OF THE SOLUTION
PROCRUSTES TACKLES THE VOID
POINTS DO NOT EXIST IN THE CONTINUUM
THE CREATION OF A POINT
ENTER ARISTOTLE
THE EXPULSION OF THE CRETEAN
PROCRUSTES AND THE SERPENT
PROCRUSTES CREATES POINTS IN THE CONTINUUM
PROCRUSTES AND HIS PIGGY BANK
PROCRUSTES INVENTS THE NATURAL NUMBERS - I
PROCRUSTES DREAMS OF THE OVERLOADED CAMEL
PROCRUSTES INVENTS THE NATURAL NUMBERS - II
PROCRUSTES CREATES THE INTEGERS AND OPERATIONS ON THEM
THE SUPERNATURAL PROPERTIES OF THE INTEGERS
OPERATION ON INTEGERS
PROCRUSTES STARTS COUNTING
PROCRUSTES AND THE TORTOISE
THE ARGUMENTS OF THE TORTOISE - I
THE ARGUMENTS OF THE TORTOISE - II
THE ARGUMENTS OF THE TORTOISE - III
THE ARGUMENTS OF THE TORTOISE - IV
THE ARGUMENTS OF THE TORTOISE - V
THE TORTOISE IS PUNISHED
PROCRUSTES BEGS THE QUESTION
PROCRUSTES VISITS THE BOTTOMLESS PIT
PROCRUSTES TAMES THE INFINITIES
PROCRUSTES REACHES INFINITY
PROCRUSTES IN THE CIRCUS
THE PROPERTIES OF SETS
THE ROYAL BARBER OBJECTS
PROCRUSTES TAMES MATHEMATICS
ANALYSIS IN THE BED OF PROCRUSTES
MATHEMATICS IN THE BED OF PROCRUSTES
THE SUPPRESSION OF DISSENT
THE CANNIBALS ARE EXCITED
THE CANNIBALS ARE CONFUSED
PROCRUSTES LAUNCHES THE WORLD WARS
PROCRUSTES DEFINES COMPUTATION
THE CREATION OF A MONSTER
THE MONSTER AS DR JEKYLL
THE MONSTER ENGAGES ITSELF
THE METHODS OF THE MONSTER
THE MONSTER AS MR HYDE
THE MONSTER AS A SUPERNATURAL
THE MULTI-HEADED MONSTER
ARCHIMEDES COUNTS THE HEADS OF THE MONSTER
THE BOTTOMLESS PIT OF THE MONSTER
THE FOOD OF THE MONSTER
THE MONSTER IS ETERNALLY ACTIVE
THE MONSTER IS A LINGUIST
THE MONSTER AND SYMBOLISM
THE MONSTER IS A SCHOLAR
THE MONSTER CHALLENGES ALL SEARCH ENGINES
THE MONSTER AND GOOGLE
COOKING FOOD FOR THE MONSTER
EDIBLE FOOD FOR THE MONSTER
THE MONSTER AS A CANNIBAL
THE MONSTER SOLVES THE PROBLEMS OF INDUSTRY
THE MONSTER AS THE IDEAL CUSTOMER
THE FINANCES OF INDUSTRY BECOME SOUND
THE COLLECTION AGENTS ARE OUT OF BUSINESS
PROCRUSTES DEFINES EFFECTIVE COMPUTATION
MODELS FOR EFFECTIVE COMPUTATION
THE MONSTERS LOVE THEMSELVES
THE MONSTER CAN REPRODUCE ITSELF
THE MONSTER OF MONSTERS
THE MONSTER OF MONSTERS SETS AN EXAMPLE -- I
THE MONSTER OF MONSTERS SETS AN EXAMPLE -- II
THE MONSTER OF MONSTERS SETS AN EXAMPLE -- III
THE MONSTER OF MONSTERS SETS AN EXAMPLE -- IV
THE MONSTERS GET INTO A LOOP
THE MONSTERS ARE STUMPED -- I
THE MONSTERS ARE STUMPED -- II
THE MONSTERS ARE STUMPED -- III
THE MONSTER OF ALL MONSTERS LOVES ITSELF
THE MONSTERS CONTINUE TO LOVE THEMSELVES
THE MONSTERS KEEP ON LOVING THEMSELVES
PROCRUSTES CONSULTS ORACLE AFTER ORACLE
THE FINAL SOLUTION
PROCRUSTES WANTS A MEDAL


PART II
"IT WAS THE WORST OF TIMES"

CONTEN TS


PROCRUSTES IS GIVEN A PRIZE
PROCRUSTES MEETS MICHELANGELO
PROCRUSTES IMITATES MICHELANGELO
ENTER THE MANDARIN
PROCRUSTES CONSULTS THE MANDARIN-I
PROCRUSTES CONSULTS THE MANDARIN-II
PROCRUSTES FINDS THE CLOCK TICKING AWAY
PROCRUSTES LEARNS ABOUT THE DRUIDS
PROCRUSTES SEEKS OUT THE DRUIDS
PROCRUSTES AS A DOUBTING THOMAS-I
PROCRUSTES AS A DOUBTING THOMAS-II
PROCRUSTES AS A DOUBTING THOMAS - III
PROCRUSTES AS A DOUBTING THOMAS - IV
PROCRUSTES CONSULTS THE WISE MAN FROM THE WEST - I to VI
PROCRUSTES CONSULTS THE MATHEMATICIANS
PROCRUSTES PASSES THE BUCK - I
PROCRUSTES PASSES THE BUCK - II
WINNIE THE POOH, TIGGER AND THE CHILDREN DECAMP
THE CLOCK TICKS ON RELENTLESSLY
PROCRUSTES IS HECKLED
PROCRUSTES CONSULTS THE WISE MAN FROM THE WEST - VII to IX
PROCRUSTES TRIES TO ENSLAVE MICHELANGELO - I
PROCRUSTES TRIES TO ENSLAVE MICHELANGELO - II
PROCRUSTES TRIES TO ENSLAVE MICHELANGELO - III
THE CLOCK FURTHER TICKS ON RELENTLESSLY
PROCRUSTES IS WORRIED
PROCRUSTES PASSES THE BUCK - III
PROCRUSTES CONSULTS THE WISE MAN FROM THE WEST - X to XIV
THE TOM AND JERRY SHOW NEVER ENDS
PROCRUSTES CONSULTS THE WISE MAN FROM THE WEST - XIV to XV
THE CLOCK FURTHER TICKS ON MOST RELENTLESSLY
PROCRUSTES IS MOST WORRIED
PROCRUSTES PASSES THE BUCK - IV
PROCRUSTES IS FRIGHTENED
PROCRUSTES DECAMPS
PROCRUSTES RESURFACES
PART III
"THE WILDERNESS OF THE ETERNAL QUEST"

THE MONSTER IS CONFUSED
THE FAMOUS PROBLEM
ATTEMPTS TO SOLVE THE PROBLEM
DENYING THE PROBLEM
USING PROCRUSTEAN MATHEMATICS FOR A SOLUTION
THE DANGERS OF SIMULATION
THE SOLVER DOES NOT EXIST
THE DIFFICULTY OF PROVING THE EXISTENCE OF A SOLVER
THE SOLVER OF PROBLEMS MAY EXIST AFTER ALL
THE VERIFIER IS SUPREME
RESTATEMENT OF A FAMOUS PROBLEM
THE SOLUTION TO THE PROBLEM
THE USE OF THE SOLUTION
SOLACE AND CONSOLATION
THE EMPEROR'S ROYAL PROCESSION
EPILOGUE

PART IV
"COMPUTATION PREDATES THE AGES OF MAN"
(Computation in all Environments predating all Ages, all Revolutions, all Civilizations)
COMMENTS AND NOTES